The 3S Process: Transform Negative Inner Chatter Into Supportive/Positive Thoughts

If we treated our friends like we treat ourselves, we’d all go to jail.” -Unknown

We all have that nagging inner voice in our head. That inner critic that tells us horrible lies, yet there is a hint of truth, such that we follow along and make up dialogue and “what if’s” that pull us further and further away from what we truly desire.

Most of the time, this chatter is happening and we’re not even really aware, until we may realize that we have low energy, are grumpy, tired, and just feel like crap.

This moment of realization or awareness is THE MOMENT when you can do something positive to shift or transform that inner critic in to our greatest ally.

How?

3S – that’s how!

Step #1 Stop

Step #2 Spot

Step #3 Swap

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The 3S is a quick and easy process, and armed with the above fun image, it’s an effective way to help you remember that YOU can transform that crappy feeling in to happy.

Here’s how it works:

Step #1 Stop Notice the negative message. Awareness. Stop it in its tracks.

Step #2 Spot Spot the lie. 

Step #2.a. Get Curious You’re already having inner dialogue with yourself-just let it be fun.

Step #2.b. Question Question the thought for its truth.

Step #2.c. Correct Correct the inner critic by telling it the belief/statement is untrue…

”That’s a lie.”

Step #3 Swap Reframe the negative “you” thought/belief to a positive “I” statement.

(Yes, most always our inner critic talks to us in 3rd person “you” statements.)

Cutting Ties With The Lies And Tethering To The Truth

Negative thoughts are like weeds and any gardener will tell you, if you don’t tend the weeds your garden will soon be overrun with them. The other truth about weeds is, regardless of how diligently you pull them, you can never fully eradicate them. Think of any paved parking lot with even a solitary weed poking its head up. The weeds will find a way.

So the goal is not to eliminate the inner critic. The real trick is to give that inner critic a voice. Acknowledge the negative. Give it oxygen. Only then can its statements be examined and dealt with (i.e. transformed, shifted or reframed). 

The next time you are faced with that nagging inner critic try this 3S, 3-step process – you may even get to know, like and trust your inner critic.

Step #1 Notice the negative message

Our negative self-talk can be so commonplace that we don't even consciously notice when we’re doing it.

To become more aware of your inner critic's voice notice when your mood or energy takes you into negative thinking when there hasn't been an incident to cause such a shift. If you notice a change, go back and ask yourself what you were just thinking about. You will often find that you have been engaging in negative self-talk without even realizing it.

Step #2 Stop it in its tracks

Even if the negative thoughts are true, they are not healthy. And honestly, most often when really examined, the thoughts are distortions of truth and thus, not true. So stop them immediately. You can use this simple technique from Prentice Mulford, a prominent thought pioneer from the 1800's. He said that we must deny access to those thoughts we don't want. He created a "thought refusal" tool in which he says,

“I refuse this thought and the mental condition it has brought on me which affects my body.”

If you are really brave and decisive, you can simply say “delete” or “cancel” to remove the unwanted/negative thought. 

Say “delete” or “cancel” aloud, if appropriate, or in your inner voice if others are around.

Step #2.a. Get Curious.

Ask yourself empowering questions and reflect back to discover or uncover your thoughts. I’ve found that “Why” questions keep us stuck in the past. More empowering questions, ones that allow you to ask and answer from the viewpoint of the observer, typically begin with “What” and “How.”

Step #2.b. Question the thought for its truth.

We often accept our negative self-criticisms as truth without questioning their validity. The next time you become aware of a negative thought, challenge it. Ask yourself if it’s true or not. Pitting our negative thoughts against what is actually true can be a simple yet powerful exercise and a step towards shattering our negative and usually untrue belief.

Step #2.c. Correct the inner critic by telling it the statement is untrue.

Now that you’ve acknowledged and challenged your inner critic, it’s time to replace the inaccurate assessments and lies with the more accurate, empathetic, and powerful truth. Instead of, “You’re a loser and you’ll never succeed,” try, “I may not be perfect, but I tried my best and I got a pretty good result.” Reframe the negative thoughts so they more accurately reflect the truth.

Step #3 Reframe the negative “you” thought to a positive "I" statement. 

“I” statements help us assert what we really believe by connecting us to what we’re feeling. For example, the internal dialogue would shift from, “You never do anything right,” to, “I feel frustrated and angry when the results don’t reflect my efforts.” Replacing “you statements” with “I statements” takes the negative charge out of our inner dialogue.

The nagging chatter call of the inner critic serves as an opportunity to challenge inaccurate thoughts and replace them with positive, helpful ones. 

This 3S - 3 Step process can help…

What does your inner critic tell you? 

What can you learn from it? 

How can you use that inner dialogue to help you improve your life?  

Because our inner critic has been with us for a long, long time, it is often quite challenging to recognize it, and even more challenging to get beyond its distortions and lies so that you can discover and uncover the truth.

This process is powerful in and of itself and if you would like one-on-one support and help noticing, disrupting, healing, and integrating those old patterns that block or hold you back from dreaming, creating, and living the life of your dreams, please do not delay. Email me at Karen@LifeCoachingwithkp.com or better still, book Your Free Needs Analysis Coaching Session now.

Have fun with this new tool in your proverbial tool belt of life.

Blessings and Abound in Grace,

Karen

The Next Right Step

So much to do…so little time.

Do you feel pulled in a million directions?

Do you put yourself last and end up exhausted at the end of each day?

Do you procrastinate because you just don’t have time to plan, and even if you do plan things, usually end up going off plan?

Are you in awe and wonder at how some people seem to get so much accomplished AND have time for themselves as well as make time for fun and adventures with family and friends?

You are not alone.

So, what’s the secret? 

Read any article or book about what successful people do, and you’ll find that they take time to set goals and create a plan for achieving stated goals. You’ll also read that most, if not all, take time frequently to breathe properly, meditate and center so they tap their higher guidance and intuition for living as well as in setting goals, planning and taking inspired action consistently towards their goals.

Many do this near the end of a calendar year as they survey the prior year, harvest lessons learned, make adjustments, dream and set their plans and goals to help direct their work-flow for the year ahead. 

Regardless of what date the calendar shows, NOW is always the perfect time. So, whether you are planning, revising plans, adapting to changes, or simply beginning, it’s time to get started.

How?

Put time on your calendar - even 30 minutes will be a great start, but an hour or more would be most beneficial, so you are able to fully enjoy the process. Then actually show up for yourself at the appointed time. During that time, breathe and center yourself and then free write your dreams and aspirations. Dream big and look ahead 10 years, 5 years, 1 year. 

Then ASK yourself, if I could accomplish my 10 year dreams in the next year or less, what goals can I set now?

Next, create SMART goals. Even if you are familiar with SMART goals, I encourage you to keep reading as a reminder and refresher and a check-up or check-in.

So, what exactly are SMART goals? They are…

S - Specific (First Step) _______________________________________________

M - Measureable _______________________________________________

A - Achievable _______________________________________________

R - Reasonable _______________________________________________

T - Time-Oriented _______________________________________________

Accountable to: __________________________________ Date: ________________

Keep breaking down your goals until you come up with your Next Right (i.e. First) Step. If you get to any letter of the process and determine you don’t know how to move ahead, then set that one aside (you can come back to it once you have more information/knowledge) and go back to the S – Specific (First Step) until you have that inspired next right step.

Perhaps your next right step is to research or ask someone their opinion….once you progress through each letter in SMART, then find someone to hold you accountable. Now, simply start – take that next right step.

Celebrate, and then repeat.

Periodically check in and make sure that your tasks are still aligned and moving you closer and closer towards realizing your dreams and aspirations. If not, then put some planning time on your calendar and make adjustments.

Sometimes, overwhelm can cause frustrations and lack of clarity, and you may not even know what your dreams and aspirations are anymore. Perhaps you’re just getting by until _________ [fill in the blank].

Maybe you are so task-oriented that you are not even enjoying the process and lack the energy to adjust and course correct.

Or, you’ve tried this before and it just didn’t work for you.

There’s hope!

I mentioned earlier that you are not alone. Get help. Ask a trusted mentor or coach to help you. Friends and family are great too, but often have their own agendas. Although they really want to help fix or take away your pain and frustration, this bias, while loving and admirable, may not be the objective assistance that would best serve you.

Would you like some help to set and AIM SMART goals so that you thrive while planning and achieving your goals and dreams?

Are you curious about how to AIM your SMART goals?

Does your heart’s desire include a deepened sense of inner peace and joy while rockin’ your external goals and dreams?

Yes! 

Great. Then your next right step is to click here and schedule a one-hour Thrive-ability coaching session for only $29. This session is easily worth $600 or more but I am committed to helping as many as I can live continually from an expanded space for grace.

It is my honor and privilege to serve you.

 

Abound in grace,

Karen

Tolerance

Just turn on the news and you’ll be inundated with crime, murder, robbery, hatred, disrespect, unkindness, lack and scarcity rhetoric. We have become addicted to perpetuating fears and accentuating differences in ways that incite violence, hatred, and rage in order for one person or group to feel validated, entitled, better than, justified, worthy, and right. Thus, another is invalidated, unworthy, less than, and wrong.

We fill our hearts and minds with information that perpetuates the viewpoint that we tend to favor. We do this in news, entertainment, religion, and all aspects of life. We belittle what we consider and judge as opposite or our opponent. Why?

Well, to feel safe, loved, protected. We give our responsibilities over to a person, establishment or government to fulfill the aforementioned needs and desires. Then, we shut out, deny, withdraw and become further and further intolerant of anything or anyone that we perceive as a threat against our so-called safety.

We go about gathering more and more evidence to support our “correct” position. We create dualistic sides – right and wrong, good and bad, blessed and evil. Whichever side you are on, you can find evidence that further separates and increases the divide.

Then, armed with venom and fueled with the fire of fear, we set out to squelch the others, who are also fueled with the fire of fear.

Then we wonder why things are so bad. Why can’t “they” see the truth? Who is to blame? And who is going to stop them and protect us?

Please pardon the analogies and cliches, but I feel they are a powerful way to demonstrate the absurdity of this tit-for-tat, spit-n-spat, I’m right, you’re wrong, name-calling, mud-slinging, hatred that fills the airways and social media….if you choose to tune in.

I have chosen not to tune in - or not very often - for many months, but have watch the news the past few evenings. I cannot keep silent.

Oneness – WE ARE ONE. One body with many members.

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We are spiritual. Everything is love. Life is love. Love is life expressed in me/in you, as me/as you, through me/through you.

WAKE UP!

NOW is the time for us to AWAKEN to see that hurting and killing “the other” is hurting and killing ourself. Shall we learn, observe, and see from history? Please! 

Nations and peoples come and go are wiped out by another – no nation has ever “won” and kept their power over others.

What if we practiced Tolerance?

What is Tolerance?

Here’s the definition from Miriam-Webster.com that best applies for the purpose of this writing:

a :  sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own

b :  the act of allowing something

With deep and sincere humility and compassion for all my brothers and sisters, I invite each of us to imagine our world where we accentuate our differences to celebrate God/Love/Life/Source’s beautiful and unique and vastly varied expressions.

What if we approached differences from a perspective of curious learning?

What if tolerance meant that we love more?

What if we adopted a belief of abundance? And put our resources, our minds, our ingenuity, our passions and desires to work for the good of all?

What could be possible? 

  • Clean water for everyone on the planet.
  • Use of renewable resources in healthy ways.
  • Exploration and respect for all life.

Each and every person happy to discover, express, and share their unique gifts.

Won’t you join me in recognizing differences as God’s beautiful expression of love?

There is no greater love than this...and I am grateful.

 

Abound in grace,

Karen

5 + 1 Life Lessons

Lately I’ve been noticing people saying a lot of things, like the following:

o It’s complicated
o Life’s a struggle
o Life is hard
o Things are just changing too quickly
o Time is flying by
o If they would only do this or that, then I could …

We hear things like this so often that soon we adopt such language, and then we begin to believe it.


Before long, it becomes our truth, individually and collectively. And adopting such limiting beliefs
actually holds us back from fulfillment and enjoying life to the fullest potential.


Enough already!


We spend too much time bemoaning the way things are or waiting until, well, we keep waiting on
something, someone, or circumstances to change or improve so then we can be happy, satisfied,
fulfilled. Yet, we turn around and complain about how fast things are changing and how quickly time goes by.


We tend make things much more complicated than they have to be. There is a quote attributed to
Albert Einstein, commonly given as, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler,” or “Make things as simple as possible, but not simpler.”


I’ve learned a few life lessons and feel obliged to share them in hopes that you may incorporate more simple pleasures in each day, so that you experience more blessedness, passion, and purpose. And, with consistent practice, you just might discover that stress and judgment lessens as you let go of the old limiting beliefs. Replace them with new, more supportive habits and you just might discover and believe that life is meant to be lived!


Here are 5 + 1 Life Lessons to help keep things simple and live life to the fullest:


#1: Remember to have FUN. If you think and believe life is hard, then you’re right. Why not adopt an attitude that life is an adventure meant to be enjoyed? Seek ways to turn even the most mundane tasks in to a fun experience. Whistle. Sing. Wiggle or dance while you work. Smile – a lot! Laugh even more. Be willing to look silly – truthfully, others will probably be jealous. Be genuine and authentic, somber and serious as appropriate, all while letting your inner joy shine.


#2: Be curious. Don’t take yourself or others too seriously or personally. We can get all caught up
in what others think and drain our energy being “people pleasers.” Let go of all that nonsense. Adopt a questioning and curious attitude. Be genuinely interested in learning and growing. There is always more to learn, and there is always another perspective. Let go of having to be “right”. This alone will create such a sense of freedom!

#3: Enjoy each moment – that’s all there ever is – NOW. Practice proper breathing, which will keep
you focused and centered, and allow you to actually enjoy what you are doing – regardless of situation or circumstance. After all, you are where you are and you are always there by choice – either consciously or unconsciously – you absolutely have the choice. The more you embrace and harness your divine power, which comes from God/Love/Life/The Source within, the greater your pleasure and sense of fulfillment in each moment of life.

#4: Keep growing. We grow or we die. Choose to be growth-oriented. Simply notice when life seems to be a struggle or you’re experiencing strife. Then, simply ask yourself (see #2 above), what can I learn? What is the opportunity here? What’s another way I could look at this? If I didn’t take this so personally, how could I grow through this experience? And, have fun with your discoveries (#1 above).


#5: Nothing is ever final. Change is constant. Sometimes we just want to rest. We want to stop time to prolong pleasures or stop the madness or escape the chaos. At other times, we pray for this moment to pass, for pleasantries to subside, or simply to get through something we deem unbearable. Take back your power – stop giving it away to someone else, something else, or some circumstance or situation. Whatever “it” is – it is temporary. This too will pass. So, knowing that change is constant, we can choose to live full out, knowing the mountain top experiences will not last, nor will the valleys. Embracing change will help you live fully regardless – this is the great leveler – the key to walking the narrow path. So few people do this – but you can! Simple choose to embrace change and LIVE!


+1: It/Everything begins and ends with me (you). Choose to be the cause of your life experience.
You and only you have the power to decide how you show up, how you view the world and your place in it. You can change your entire life as fast as you believe possible. Realize that you are more than your thoughts. Learning to take captive your thoughts so they work to support you and no longer hold you back is life-changing.

This can be challenging because we become so used to our way of thinking and we believe it to be the right way – i.e. change is often hard, we are often very resistant to even the possibility of entertaining change. I do not believe that we are meant to take on this thing called life alone.

Why do I believe this? Look around…there are other people, other things, we can watch even our thoughts. Thus, we are never alone. Be at choice in how you show up to life, how you relate to and lead not only yourself, but others as well. Have the courage to face your fears and choose to create the life of your deepest desires and highest dreams. It’s time to WAKE UP and realize that each of us can and do create our own life – either consciously or unconsciously. Take back your power and then share with others to help them wake up, too!

If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, fed up with just getting by or not living the life you thought you would or know you can, I encourage you to get help. Don’t do it alone….being open and accepting help is an act of incredible strength and willingness to not simply survive but thrive and truly live the life that only you can live!


I invite you to Thrive Where You Are and Grow Where You Dare!


Yes?


Yes! Yes! Yes!


Take a moment to reflect….What life lessons can you share?
Remember, we’re all in this thing called life together and we absolutely learn from one another, if we choose!


Abound in grace,

Karen


P.S. Are you curious to discover what living the life of your deepest desires and highest vision might look like? Then I encourage you to book your free Thrive-Ability Session by simply clicking here.